I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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