Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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