how can u be prego again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
