His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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