I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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