If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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