Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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