Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am available for nakedness
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
