We named our party play list daddy issues
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
