mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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