I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i think i just lost a toe
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
