He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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