So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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