You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
