I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
