So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
