She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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