Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
