Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
