So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
