Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
