If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
