so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
