Your dad touched me again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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