It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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