you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
