Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
