I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
