and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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