Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
