Too much gin, very little bucket
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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