tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
