I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
