the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
