Betty ford says i'm here all night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
