You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
