1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
