Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm both gender and math confused
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