My first STD was from a foam party
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
