I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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