Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
