I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
