theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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