I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
