he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
