Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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