I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
