Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your cock deserves a montage
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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