her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
