I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
